i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
