He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
