i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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