I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
