You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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