Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
