i may or may not be watching the land before time
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
