Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
did i just pee glitter
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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