so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
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