your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
