Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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