I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
