He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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