somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
