She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
