My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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