His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
