Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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