I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
