And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
