I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
