one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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