Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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