dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
