I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize