I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
