I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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