Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
