he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
