the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
