Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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