In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
