walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
