Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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