last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
