even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im part way to drunk.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
