Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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