he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
