How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
