Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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