You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
