I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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