I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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