i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
