I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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