There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
