ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
