her vagine was all disorganized.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
