tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
