mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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