I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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