Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
