Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
