i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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