and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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