i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
