I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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