I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
