It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
