I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
