I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
