This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
