Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
