I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
