I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
