Pregnant stripper...not hot.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
