There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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