some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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