YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
