We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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