P.S. I can't hear my feet
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
