i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Quick, to the slutcave!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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